Washington DC, May 4

Friday Night

11:45

Volume I

My Sweet Darling,

Here I go again - No place to send my letters- but I had to talk to you anyway. We left around 6:10 and arrived at Aunt Sara's at 9:15. We made excellent time through Baltimore 1/2 hr- I managed to make all the lights but three. How do you go to Jersey? Route 40? We watched TV until now & I'm in bed - I just finished reading your letters - Send me some more Angel - How I love them!

I have a blue shortie gown on & sleeping on blue sheets & pillow cases - The color of your eyes, dearest. Oh oh how I miss you - I wish you were here to hold me close so gently -  How I love those quiet moments when our hearts & souls commune. Today when you held me so close and just looked into my eyes I had the feeling that something way deep inside of us became one - I said so too, didn't I Darling? I'm glad you felt it too. Words seem to be unnecessary when we are close Sweetheart. Still I can't be quiet about how I feel about you I hope you don't

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get tired of hearing it. I'm getting sleepy Darling, and I want to close my eyes and savor every precious moment we've lived together since the second day of March. Every look, caress, kiss, x x x x x x x . Goodnight my Norm, My sweet, handsome Angel.

Sunday -

12 Noon

Hi Sweetheart,

Well the big doings are all over. We had a great time. I went with Philys and Elma, two old gals whose husbands couldn't attend the banquet so it wasn't so bad. We had about 30 of our class of 120 there, which was a lot to yak at one time, and we sure did plenty of that - We had fruit juice, Roast Chester County turkey, plain filling, giblet gravy, mashed potatoes, peas, cole slaw, cranberry sauce, celery, olives, pickles, rolls & butter, coffee/tea, and ice cream & cookies, and believe me, it was delicious. I longed to have you sitting next to me, my Darling. I would have been so proud. Elma's husband couldn't attend as he was playing in  his orchestra, for a wedding. He plays clarinet and also teaches it. He started in our swing band at school too. After all the speeches, they finally cleared away all the tables 

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for dancing - One of the boys in our class writes a column for the papers here & he took pictures of us some stayed to dance and joined us later, but we left to go to the class party. I didn't want to dance with anyone but you, Sweet - so I left as fast as I could - more and more of our class arrived, that didn't attend the banquet & we talked & talked & looked at looked at a lot of pictures we had taken on our class trip. Gerald & his wife have a beautiful home & we ate more there - sandwiches, soft drinks & cake. They had over 60 people in that place & still had plenty of room. Our class president said "We sure were a seedy bunch in school, but we sure have improved with age" That was the first time I had seen him & a lot of others since the day we graduated. We talked & reminisced until 3 AM and that meant 4 AM as we lost an hour.

___________________________________________

11:30  PM

Interuptions - You are not going to be able to make much sense out of this Sweet - My Uncle & Cousin & car full just arrived from Harrisburg as I was going strong on the party.

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Then Mother & I drove to Downingtown to see our cousins that used to live next door to us. Came home from there about 9 & watched TV until now. I hope to get away by 9 tomorrow morning - We are taking Stella ( the above mentioned cousin, back with us for a visit) and I have to go to work the minute I get home- I miss you so terribly my Darling. I kept hoping you would call me while I was here and then again I was afraid if I went out I would miss it if you did. I hope things are not too difficult for you Angel -  Do what I do when they get too bad - I go off to myself and think of you and how much we've given each other and just shut everything else out, but your closeness - and remember I'll always be here when you need me and I'll always try hard to understand. Hold me close my Darling - Close your beautiful eyes and let me kiss them X X - Your sweet mouth X X X X Oh Darling, I love you so - I'm going to sleep now, I can feel your arms around me pulling me close - X X X  and I will dream, at least think about the next time we find a KEY  -

-5-

Volume II

Monday 4:30 PM

Darling,

Left Pa about 9:20 and arrived in Wash. at 12 - Made better time than going up. It's like summer here and everything is in bloom. I've put on shorts for the first time today. Bob isn't at all happy I'm home. He's trying to give me a hard time.He called and started to give me a lot of lip so I hung up.With company around I am sure he is going to make everyone feel miserable. He said he was going to do just as he damned pleased and from now on I could expect him when I see him. Enough of this crap.

_______________________________

In spite of everything I'm glad to be home. I'm lying across the bed and thinking about when you were here. I feel much closer to you in surroundings we've shared. We stopped at Howard Johnson's for lunch and I looked over at our booth as if expecting to see you. Sweetheart I miss you -  I wonder what you are doing - 

Until tomorrow X X X

-6-

wednesday 4:30

My Dear Sweet Darling,

I didn't write to you yesterday - I was so blue & depressed & played our records.- & cried & cried. I guess I wont be able to listen to them anymore. We went to see "I'll Cry Tomorrow" last night and that didn't help matters any-

I need you so Norman - your sweet understanding love - I am really getting the cold treatment - not even a peck goodnight - we just go to bed and neither says a word.  It's not hurting my feelings any - I just hope and pray I'm not pregnant - I don't think I could face it without you - but there I go building a case. If I could just look into your eyes & feel your arms around me - Everything would be all right. I hoped I would have a letter today - I need to hear from you Darling. Have you forgotten me already? I'm so afraid you will. I wish I could call you! I wish I could see you - oh this is getting me no-where - I wont write anymore until I get over this blue feeling - Have I lost you? I feel so empty - and it's only been 5 days since you held me close- It seems like 5 years, this trying to pretend I'll see you in a few more days just doesn't work. When will I see you Angel?

-7-

I hope I get a long letter from you with a great deal of your sweet self in it. Tell me everything you've been doing since Friday - at least - Having been to Hagerstown once I could picture some of your surroundings, but now, I can't, only your sweet, sweet self. I have so much to tell you when next we meet. I worked today and will be working on paper work at home all week - B. wont be home any night this week. How I wish you were here. He has decided to lead his own life - It is just a matter of time now Darling.

Did you call Mrs. W. before you left? I've talked to her once since I got home - the less said the better - as far as you're concerned - I never heard from you again - what do you think? Please tell me Norm. Until tomorrow Norm- I must get to work - I must go to work before I go crazy-

Your,

lost,

            little girl

Friday

11:30

My love, if I don't hear from you soon this will be too long to mail. It seemed like years waiting for the mailman yesterday and then no letter. My heart almost broke in half. Then I stopped to think - If you left for Johnstown Tues. you couldn't write & if you wrote to me Wed. it probably will take two days to get here.

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So today I am praying it will come.Yesterday I worked in the afternoon & then last eve - I went over to Gloria's to do paper work & home & bed about midnight. I had an awful time keeping my mind on my work Angel. It was a week ago yesterday that we found another key to heaven -  and one week ago today that I felt your arms around me & tasted your sweet kisses. I think I was real brave - It was so hard to keep from crying - I've made up for it this week tho. You are ever in my heart  and all my thoughts-I couldn't sleep last night I kept wanting to reach out and find you & feel your strong, tender arms fold me close to you, I need your love so much my darling. I'm still true to you sweet, how about you?

How late do you play? 10 is late to start isn't it? Tell me all about it. Did you get your hair cut? I'm still going to get you a new hair brush. Well sweet thing- I must take my shower (and without you) and get dressed - I'm taking Stella to see a friend of hers this afternoon, then I have to keep Connie & Cathy  at 3 PM while Elaine gets her hair cut. The sun is shining and the leaves are all out it's so beautiful- My spirits are better today Darling -  I have faith I'll have a better today. How many more days until we are together again? 2 wks?- 16 days? I'm only living for the moment-

1:15

Needless to say, I'm happy Darling- Your

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letter arrived. I'm not sure  whether I shoul answer or not- Mine is so full of love for you and I'm so mixed up- Why oh why did I ever leave Fri? I can't understand why you went to Va's. My heart is aching- No she didn't tell me. She said she didn't hear  a word from you- My Darling you are breaking my heart. Why do you hurt me so- I want so much to trust you- you are so fine and good underneath all this fly by night stuff- I'm at a loss to know where I stand- Please tell me Norm. Am I one of many- I don't feel very much like living any more- I just can't face life without you-Don't be surprised at anything- my life is unbearable. I've lost all feeling for my husband and you have become my whole life- I know I can't ever love you- there is nothing left & how did I ever get off on this kick- anyway. I'm toying with the idea of doing something about it- I've really flipped I guess- Love should be happy but when we're apart- tgere us bitgubg- because I'm not sure of you. I wish you had told me one thing- Something to hold on to- as it is I have nothing, but memories & that makes it harder.

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Your letter was wonderful Norm- I'm happy to have it- I have a wonderful picture of everything you've done since you left me- I'm glad you told me everything even tho I can't understand part of it. I'm even wondering a little  why you hated to leave D.C., I  hate to say this Darling, but if you must have a woman, pick the younger ones-(I hope someday I'll be the only one you'll ever need) Dreaming again. I hope my love will hold you until we see each other again- No young girls or lecherous old ones,

I wish I could take a chance & call. Enough said- I'm on that pink cloud again sweetheart- I'll drop this in the mail right away & be looking for your letter Thursday.

                          I love you

                                   with all my heart & soul

                                                       Your

                                                             own

                                                                  Gini

* Blog Author's Note

After taking days to type this ONE letter. I have come to the conclusion that my dear Mother was a raging 'Manic-Depressive'. Those of you reading this that are under thirty, know it by the tag. 'Bi-Polar'. I can see it in her writing style, her shifts were very fast. She was undiagnosed in her lifetime, but looking  back on growing up. This topsy turvy-ness was present in everything she did. She was either elated/excited/royally pissed or crushed and brooding. Some times all within the space of a couple of hours.

She was not easy to live with at times, but our lives were NEVER dull and boy could she throw a party!!! I know some of you remember!!!  She kept a childlike wonder her entire life. Her moods were quicksilvery and sometimes when the worst of them were directed right at you she could tear you to ribbons with a single sentence. I learned a lot, watching her rise and fall on the tides of her own fickle emotions. Most of all, how to rein in my own when they threatened to run away with me, and how to help others do the same. Thanks, Mom. (and I mean that sincerely)

Johnstown, PA May 2 1956

Wed. 4 A.M.

Dear Little Gini,

Well we've just finished our first night's work in Johnstown. We didn't have too much of a crowd but the manager told us that it was the best he'd seen in quite a while.The people received us very enthusiastically themselves. As we played whatever we felt like playing which is quite a welcome innovation. Needless to say, Jazz was well represented.

We're living on the floor above where we play. We each have a private room with single bed. Al's and my  rooms each have a sink and toilet, while the one that Buddy is occupying has only a sink. Poor Al! whoever did the decorating in my room certainly had his/her taste in his/her mouth! The walls are a deep shade of flamingo, bordering on orange! Wild eh?

Our rooms go with the job. This is a good thing but- the blooming job still doesn't pay enough. We're reportedly the highest paid group that's been here in a long time. So happens we were hungry.

Our food we can get at the house kitchen for 25% off menu price.(haven't seen the menu yet) Of course we can also eat out if we prefer. But- the big advantage is the fact that we can sign a tab here and pay later.

We left Buddy's house  Tues. morning at 10 AM and we hit Johnstown at 5:45P.M. almost

OVER

eight hours. We made three stops on the way and that cuts into your average speed pretty severely. The mileage is 332 miles so I guess we didn't do too badly at that.

This was my first exposure to the Penn Turnpike and I must say, the scenery is pretty great along the route. Then the tunnels held quite a bit of fascination for me too. (My engineering streak again honey) I tried to hold my speed around 55 or 60 as I was worried about my motor overheating again. I've been having trouble  with the thing ever since last Dec. and just when I think the blasted thing is doing O.K., up jumps the temperature and I either have to slow way down or stop and let it cool off. On my way home from Washington Sat. afternoon I started having trouble. Seems like the old bus just hated to leave- just like the driver. I had to drive 40 MPH all the way to Jersey and the trip took me all of eight ours I guess. (excuse me baby-my eyes are closing. will finish this when I wake up. nite. X)

Wed. 4:30 PM

Hi sweetie,

Well back again 12 hours later.

Got up at 2:30 and looked out on a dark, dreary, dismal, dank, damp, disheartening, disappointing, disgusting and very rainy day. A very

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poor condition under which one should see this bustling little metropolis. Honestly Gini, the place is quite depressing. Everything is black and grimy. Even the people look that way. Yes, the young girls too. Oh hell! Let's change the subject.

As I said before, my car started to over heat on my way home Sat. afternoon. So, when I got home I had to spend almost all of my time and money to get the thing in shape for the trip here. It was partly covered by guarantee as when I first  started having trouble the guy who fixed it said that his work was guaranteed. Even so it ran me about 18 bucks. That coupled to the costs of coming here left me completely broke. I borrowed some loot from the bank back home to pay my taxes and hold me over till payday but the loan didn't go through before I left so I hope it gets here by tomorrow anyway.

I got a good haircut while I was at home. He really took quite a bit but it looks good. I'm told that it looks more youthful this way.

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After I left you Fri afternoon I called Buddy and made arrangements to meet him at the Neptune.Then I called my brother-in-law to say so long to him. When I called, the lady who owns the place answered and when I tried to explain who I was I told her I'm Doris's brother Norman. Then she told me that Doris was there and would I like to talk to her. I then had a brite idea. I told her not to say a word and that I would be right over.

When I walked in my sister almost choked on her food. We haven't seen each other for over 4 years and needless to say we had quite a few drinks and reminiscences. My youngest nephew Douglas came with her and when I walked in I didn't recognize him at first. He's grown so. 19 yrs old.

As time wore on I thought I had better call the Neptune and check with Buddy. As expected he wasn't there, so I left my number and a message for him to call me when he arrived. I stayed with my sister until about 12 mid-night and then went to the Neptune after saying my goodbyes. Again, as expected, no Buddy. I waited until closing

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and then went over to the "Cock 'n Bull" and had a couple beers with the gang-like the old days.

Before I left my sister I called Virginia to say goodbye and she insisted that I come over and have a drink before I left and she was very sorry about Thurs. nite, and she didn't want me to get the wrong impression of her etc.etc. I told her that Buddy and I were leaving and I wouldn't have the time. But as you know, Buddy was elsewhere. Well, by that time I was damned if I was going to take off for home alone.and look at the trouble that I'd have had with a misbehaving car at 3 o'clock in the A.M.

So to make a long story short, I went over to Virginia's and

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awakened her. We shot the bull for a while and finally hit the sack around 6 a.m. She had to get up at 7 I think as she had to be to work early Sat. I made her promise not to tell a soul that I'd been there but I bet a dollar to a do-nut that she's already told you. Anyway all we did was sleep and you probably don't believe me. If you don't believe me just ask her how her periods have been lately.

She was planning to take me to some steak house for dinner on Sat. nite and maybe come back to the apt  after and watch T.V. but when I got up around 1 PM I had a very uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach  that I couldn't explain. I simply had to get going with no buts. So I called her at work and explained how I felt and she sounded so

7

disappointed that I felt guilty. So I took off and after what happened to the car it's a good thing that I did. If I'd delayed my stay one more day, they wouldn't have been able to fix it in time for the trip to Johnstown.

On the way home Sat. I thought about you honey and said a little prayer for you. I hope your trip was pleasant and enjoyable and that you had fun with your old buddies.

Sunday I woke up at 12 noon EST(1pm daylight time) I woke out of a sound sleep and it was as if the phone had rung and very clearly and in a very happy voice you said "Hi" to me and told me that you were "tickled". I lay there quite a few minutes trying to figure out what had happened. Coming here on the Turnpike

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I passed the Downingtown exit and thought about my girl being so near there the day before. Then something else, further along the turnpike at exactly one PM Daylight, I had a strong ringing in my left ear, the one nearest you. What's coming off here?

This place is doing something to my creative writing ability Gini. I can't seem to get anything interesting moving. I hear Al and Buddy downstairs rehearsing. They're practicing an ending for Dixieland stuff They never seem to agree on what should happen at the end of a Dixieland.

O our rooms are all in a line off of a long hall. Mine is 10, Al's is 11, and Buddy's 12. This is the first time

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we've ever had complete privacy and I can say that I think it's a damn good idea.

I have in adition to my bed, one chair, one small table, a dresser and a clothes rack. I have one mirror over the dresser which is about 18 inches square. The rug is rather threadbare. The john isn't too bad-a pot a and a washbowl, good mirror and a very good light above it with an outlet for my razor. My window looks out into an alley and I have a view of a brick wall about 10 ft. away. I remarked to Al last night that I dug this dormitory atmosphere. He got a kick out of it. Our bathing facilities are down the hall a bit. We have a community shower with

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3 or 4 spray heads.

Now I can hear them practicing "Night Train" and it rather makes me  feel like joining them. So Hon, on that note(no pun) I'll finish. I don't know when I 'll see you again. We can talk that over in our ensuing correspondence, eh? It would be nice to have and hold you again. I'll certainly be looking forward to your letter. The way it looks now I wont be getting a reply until Monday at least. I don't know the phoning set up that would be best. We have a public phone in the bar (no booth) and there's also a house phone in the office. I'll give you both numbers. I guess we have to have a set arrangement as to time of call. I work from

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10 till 2 with indefinite intermissions. I'll probably be in my room till at least noon (probably later) every day. I don't think the bar is opened until late in the afternoon but I might be able to gain access through  the kitchen. But if the kitchen is locked I couldn't get to either phone. Let you know more about it Hon as soon as I find out. 

So again, I'll say so long and god bless you. Keep your fingers crossed and play it real cool.

Your,

     Norm

OVER

My address:

Norman (redacted)

c/o The Buddy Rocco 3

The Mell O Dee Club

209 Franklin Street

Johnstown, PA

Public phone: Johnstown 7-9219

House    "    :       "           8-2675

Washington DC, March 28, 1956

Mr Norman (redacted)
c/o the Buddy Rocco 3
the Colonial Hotel
Hagerstown, Md

Wednesday 9 AM

Dearest,

     I can't sleep-Morning has come , but still I can't sleep- My darling- I'm crying so hard. It was so wonderful to see you- I don't know what to do-This grieving for you is making me ill- I can't eat, sleep- all I can do is force myself to keep going- Norman I wish I could die- if only you could put your arms around me and never let me go-

     I'm so mixed up and confused-I don't know if you are really fickle- Norm please write me- Please put a little more of  You in your letters- I need you so- It's so hard  for me now not to pick up the phone and call you- It's right by my bed-My Darling, just to hear your voice. If only I could have stayed. You wouldn't like me this morning tho' my eyes & beak are all red from sobbing- of course if I was there I wouldn't be crying-

     10:45 AM

     You see how little will power I have where you are concerned.Talking to you helped a little-at least you straightened me out on a couple of things- I should really be ashamed of myself- the way I'm behaving-believe me darling I've never thrown myself at anyone before.There seems to be some force pushing me- I have no shame where you are concerned I don't even feel responsible- It was

2

just meant to happen. I know I'll  never want second best after you. I know what heaven it will be, 9:45 next Wednesday.

     I don't know what to say- I feel so lost- I mustn't say I love you- with my whole being-every ounce of body and soul- every breath I breathe with every beat of my heart. How can I stop loving you? only when I stop living. It has only been 8 hrs. since our last fleeting kiss & less than 1 hr since our goodbye on the phone- oh but darling it seems like forever.

     I'm a selfish, brazen, brat and you shouldn't even like me a little.I' not worth taking up your precious time- or anyone elses for that matter- you are so precious to me- I want I'ts (excuse out of ink) will make you happy- always- I do understand why you can't say you love me- at least I'm trying- maybe when we see each other you can tell me-I have no right what ever to ask you to love me- I'm just a dumb little nobody wishing for  a star away out of my reach. I wish I could stay calm & cool  and live in my little dream world built solely around you.- but this feeling is all new and wonderful and when I start thinking about it- the smoldering, burning passion deep withing me keeps me all unnerved & out of control.    

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It's now 12 noon &
still no sleep-

     I'm just lying here thinking & holding you close to My heart- I don't dare write all my thoughts. You say I can put myself into the written page- oh my darling if I could I'd be beside you lying close in your arms. I've read your letter I received yesterday at least 10 times this morning I can hear your voice saying the words to me. Your dear sweet, tender voice that can make me feel as tho' someone really cares. I know different now- I'll share anything you will allow me to my angel, one whispered word is worth all the heartache. 

     I'm clearing out of here- that much I know- it will be a slow process, but one that is inevitable.

    Well sweet- I might as well give up and get up- I have so much work to do- Mrs. W. and Elaine just called- they feel fine- Mrs. W. wants me to come have dinner with her. I don't know if I can take it. We will both be talking about last night with love in our hearts- she's really gone on Buddy- and I can't bear the thought of discussing that fated night again---

     I can't write any more- Norm- My heart is too full and everything is coming out all wrong. Be careful & take care of yourself. Until next time.

 

Your
Gini

call me Thurs. around 4 or sat. around 11 or 12 noon or just sometime- I love you

Darling, may I please have one of those larger pictures of you- it would help with the portrait considerably.

    

Hagerstown, Md March 26, 1956

Mrs. Gini (redacted)

4919 (redacted) Drive

Washington D.C.

Sun. 25, 8 P.M.

Gini Gal,

     I'm all alone here today as Buddy went home for the week-end  and Al did too. It's been rather lonely and I've been thinking how terriffic it would be if  we had been toether today with nobody to bother us.

     I've just re-read  your letters and find them just as touching as when I first opened them. I think a better word to describe them would be exciting. I can't hep but get a little excited  when I read them. You have a knack

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for putting yourself into the written page and I can clearly see you as I read.

     I'll be looking forward to seeing you this Wed. although I feel that it'll be a rather trying set up what with not being able to embrace you. Just remember that we'll have to do all our talking with our eyes.

     I want to arrange to meet you in Frederick on the 3, 4, 5, or 6th Of April. if we can meet early enough, say around 9:30 or 10:00 A.M., we can be together until 3:30 or 4:00 P.M. What time are you expected home? I play an afternoon session at 5:30, so I don't think I could leave any later than 4. Lets have your views on the subject sweetie. We'll find a quiet little room where we can belong completely to each

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other for those few short hours.

     So-Until Wed. at least Gini gal, I'll say bye. Keep your sweet, crazy, little chin up.

Your lover-

              Norm

    

washington DC, March 24, 1956-

Mr. Norman (redacted)
C/o the Buddy Rocco 3
The Colonial Hotel
Hagerstown, Md.

Friday Mar. 23, 1956

2 pm

My dearest Norman, 

    I could hardly wait until I got home from work today- I was so sure I would have a letter from you & you didn't let me down. I had a busy morning and have a lot of paper work to do today.

    I started on a labor of love last eve. Your portrait, My darling. I can never do your sweet face justice. I will try awfully hard tho'. You must remember I am a rank amateur & lack confidence. I now have 3 to do, my name is  gradually getting around. I take it you are interested in Art- You don't know how happy that makes me. I've never shared any of the things that I really like with anyone. Do you like to read, fish, ride horseback? Drawing & music I know about- These are the things that really interest me.

     My Darling- something in your letter upset me terribly- if I could only talk to you about it. I'm becoming more astonished, disgusted and afraid of what kind of family I'm connected with

2

Please, Please Norman don't put me in their catagory. Maybe when I tell you  this you'll drop me like a hot potatoe. I must try to make you understand. I don't want anything to do with a fast shack-job- I'm just a girl from a small town and these things still disgust and bewilder me. I want something fine and good out of life- not just a moments happiness here & there. Ive never been interested in anyone else since I married Bob- I've tried to be a good wife. Under such adverse conditions and with such examples that I'm beginning to realize started long ago- I find I have very little to work with, I hate to think what happened the nite you spent with her, I prayed it hadn't I know I helped the situation along, but you are made of much finer stuff than that My Darling. I'm not reprimanding  you, just a little sick at the thought- I don't know what would happen to me if you let it ever happen again. I know you know what a mistake it was. I thank you for being honest with me. Now I'm going to be honest with you. If you ever accept her invitation- we will end before we ever get started. I couldn't bear it. You see I

3

had lunch with her yesterday & she mauled & kissed me & told me she knew how I felt & kept bringing your name into the conversation- I don't even want to talk about you to her-Do you think I'm a prude- I only hope you will think more of me  for being above that kind of thing- sex and love are something that go together- it takes love to make it click and without it, to me it's a weakness. I love you Norman, I think of you constantly-My first waking thought is - Norman My Darling- I have no control over the other things I feel- but if we are ever to mean anything to each other in the life- and I feel strongly that someday we will-we must not cheapen it--I'll follow you to the end of the earth for what I feel is good and wonderful- I'll tell you  a secret darling- I don't intend to go through the rest of my life like this-I'm slowly dying of a broken heart under these conditions. I honestly didn't think I had an ounce of feeling left in my body-it's all there for you to take- but not for a moment or just long enough to release your feelings. I need you my love

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and I think you need me. At least I 'd like very much to be needed and loved and I mean completely. Please believe me Norman- I'm not just a fly by nite looking for excitement- True you've given me more excitement in one short day than I've known for my whole lifetime, but if that was all I wanted I wouldn't have stopped without going to bed with you.

     I've so much faith in you darling- You're not like anyone I've ever known. I wish I was right in your arms this very minute. I've been so depressed lately if this work hadn't come at this time, & if I hadn't  received your letter- I'm afraid of what would have happened to me.

    No matter what happens Sweet- I'll treasure every Kiss, every word, every touch we've shared and those eyes- You bring my soul right out of my body. I've never belonged to anyone so completely without knowing if  I ever will. I'll always, always love you.

     There is nothing rare about the way I respond my darling- it seems so right & complete and where I belong. You are so wonderful.

     I may sound completely rediculous  but do you know what I 'd like to do-

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Wash & darn your socks, iron your shirts, cook your meals (Maybe after those awful eggs you couldn't stand that) Share your every hurt, dream, wish- take care of you- I live every minute with you in my thoughts. Kiss  you when washing dishes- sit in your lap and cuddle in your arms- listening to music or watching TV- I'm not proposing Darling so don't be frightened- These are my innermost thoughts and you are the only one I can tell them to. I'm living in a dream & a life of fantasy I know- but it's all that is keeping me going.

     I long to hear you play your wonderful guitar and hear it talk- you do make it talk- it takes real feeling to do that. You are such a fine, deep person Norman, and even tho' I love you with almost complete abandonment- I admire you and consider you my friend. I don't ever want to lose sight of these things I see in you. Don't ever be shallow and let the baser things in life rule you- It had to be you Norman- you've brought me to my senses and shown me life may someday be a wonderful thing.

     My husband doesn't want children- after  I now can have them I find this out. Do you want children Norman? Legitimate I mean. Forgive me darling- I'm so serious, I don't mean to sound flip at times.

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    I'm going to ask for the same promise in this letter I asked in the last. Please come down & spend the week-end here. I have two very good reasons & I'm sure when you know what they are you will agree. First- Bob is a little disgusted with his mother's behavior & if you were  to see her alone I'm sure- It would not be good- Second- My mother pointed out it would be better for you to be here- as a friend of both of us- than for me to be meeting you at Mrs. W's or somewhere else. I can assure you- Everything would be O.K.- and a much safer level. Then to- I'm being selfish- I don't want to miss a second of time-with you. Even with someone around & there wouldn't be all the time- Bob works Mon. & golfs Tues. So you see- How about  Easter week-end- Please say  you'll come. Just drop a post-card sometime next week & say  you are planning  to come to Wash. to see us that week-end- I know Bob will insist that you stay here. Come down Sat. nite if you can- So much the longer to stay. I've run out of paper so guess I'd better close this book for now. Until I hear from you again- I love you

Your

      Gini

Sunday 1:30

Dearest One,

     I never should have called you yesterday. Do you think I could sleep last night? No- as soon as the lights were out- your sweet face was before me. I relived every caress- every bittersweet moment we've shared. I could feel your strong body close to mine.- your arms tight around me & your sweet kisses on my lips. I was holding you so close to me, my arms ached-It was so real I had to get out of bed to break the spell. I just can't go on thinking about you like this my angel or I'll be a raving maniac. I need your love and you more than I have ever needed anything before in my life. I love you with all my heart & soul.- I wish you could find it in your heart to believe me. I'll be patient my sweet-at least I'll try with all that's in me.

    Say- now aren't you the one- receiving two letters in one day- and phone calls and all! I'm such an idiot- I' afraid darling- so afraid of being hurt and yet I can't stop myself from going pell-mell into it. I'm really asking for it I know. Should I stop writing? Do you want me to? I miss you so.

    I'll never forget this last birthday as long as I live. I received the greatest 

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gift of all- I.met you.

     I sat here last eve. by myself and watched the Lawrence Welk Show & you were in my thoughts- They played a song from the Eddy (unreadable) Story that expressed something I feel- I can't remember the title  but some of the words were -"you have the right to love a second time" "You can't live in the past"- (unreadable) I wish I could remember all of them.

     We didn't go to the dog show & Bob went  out to deliver my audit to one of my co-workers & stayed there until 10:30- I didn't care- It left me alone with my thoughts. WOW ee-

     My Darling, my greatest hope is  that I will be all you want me to be.-I have so much to give. I'm jealous of every minute we are apart every second that we can't share. Would you love me 24 hours a day? I'm afraid I would never let you alone & you would soon grow tired of me.

     I spoke to Bob last eve.about your coming down next week-end  and believe me Norman he's all for it. He  doesn't remember anything he said or did at Elaine's & feels bad that he was so drunk. Please believe me- he knows nothing. He thinks you called  me yesterday to check when we were coming up.  Everyone knows I talked to you & I'm sure we will make it yet.

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     It will be torture to see you for such a short time and yet so wonderful. My eyes will answer Yours my darling- every inch  of me will be wanting You. Sit beside me at dinner if possible, maybe----ok---- Norman-I love you so much.

    Until Tues my love- I just can't wait anymore- my heart is aching & I have a lump in my throat. I want you so.

Your

        Gini

                      Forever

P. S.  1 I'll come all the way to Hagerstown if you say so- I love you

P. S. 2 The other letter is for Bob to read.

P.S. 3 Break the news gently to Buddy- about me coming up- Mrs. W. hasn't made up her mind yet-tho' I'd be willing to bet she won't stay home. I hope he will be nice to her- maybe it will ease the pain a little

                                                      Gini

*Blog Author's Note:

I had no idea when exactly my parents met. Until now. 

Mrs. W. is the slutty mother in law in case that was confusing.

Who knew 1956 was not anything like "Leave it to Beaver"

Washington DC , March 22,1956

Mr Norman (redacted)
C/o the Buddy Rocco 3
The Colonial Hotel
Hagerstown, Md.

Wednesday-

My Darling,

     If you only knew how much I need you . You are so strong and good. I never needed anything more in y life than just to hear your voice this morning.It calmed and steadied me when the ache in my heart was almost unbearable.
     Sweetest one- I don't mean to sound sexy- I hope you want more from me than that-I have plenty of that to give you, but oh so much more. We mustn't let the little things that mean so much to both of us  become oer shadowed with this awful longing to possess each other. Be slow, be gentle Norman, as I know you can be. We have our whole life ahead of us. We can't think of all the years we've wasted we must build something good and sincere. I want to find out just as you do- if it will be lasting- if it's the answer to our longing to be loved completely.

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     We both need someone who understands, someone who is unselfish & will go all the way. Not just give of ourselves what little we want to.

     I'm all yours completely- that's the way I am. I always give more than I receive- I always have. If you are the one person that wants me that way - nothing will ever be too much to ask. All I want is a full measure in return. I know you have as much stored up in you as I do. My dearest believe me I'll never hurt you.

     I've tried to give my everything to Bob- he doesn't want it. He only wants to be the lord and master. I know he takes pleasure in seeing me beg-even for a kiss. I've cried for just something as small as that & he tells me I'm crazy. I know now I've been a complete fool. Believe me after 9 years of it, I'll never beg again, never- can you believe that- its pretty hard to think anyone could be so cruel, but it's true. Do you understand how I feel? Norman, I am not begging you to love me- (there is something between us that is beautiful- I feel it. What it is and how we work it out only time will tell.)

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     I've never been able to talk to anyone before and feel as tho' you understand. I can't tell you how I feel- I'm calm-I'm not fighting it anymore, this terrible longing to be loved. I feel as tho' I am on the threshold of something big. Do you feel it?

     Please Norman, tell me if I am being too presumptuous. Be honest with me, always.I've been lied  to and deceived so long I'm afraid to trust anyone. If I could just reach out and touch your face, I would know if I were being a fool.

     My mother is so concerned my darling, but she understands. She likes you very much. We will never be hurt by her.I can't say that about Bob's mother, she is treacherous-believe me-She is trying to make me jealous of you- I know you are too fine a person to ever be in the position she would like to get you. Please, Please, - before you ever spend another night with her- stay here! No matter how you feel- there I've said more than I should. I had better  stop before it's too late-

I love you body and soul Norman. I can't wait to hear from you.

Your,
Gini

Thursday-

Dearest,

     I can't remember if I told you I work almost two  weeks out of every month on a National Audit. I thought I had better give you my schedule so you wouldn't call me and find me out- I start tomorrow morn. about 9 am- home 3 pm. Home Sat. all day (Bob works)- Sun. morning (golf date) Monday out from 9:30 to 4 p.m.- Tues.- I hope to be home in the morning-should say I will be- I'll make my appointments in the afternoon. Wed. work  9 am. to 4- Thurs. safe after 12 noon. Fri. Home etc.Then starting the 2nd- I'll be working  8 stores all over the city- This means I could possibly meet you half way one day between the 2nd & 6th. If you really want me to I will have the car without question on those days & think I could manage it.

     Mrs. W. has cooled off considerably & if she doesn't hear from his highness Buddy- our little trip up to see you Wed. which was progressing nicely, will probably fall through. I don't know how I'll stand it-not being able to see you that short while but life goes on unfortunately. You will just have to spend a week-end with us- I know  bob doesn't suspect and we could have so much time- "Getting to Know You" Play "Tenderly" for me. & "Love is a many Splendored Thing".

I  do love you Norman-More than you will ever know- You opened the door to heaven & I'm so afraid it will slam shut on me.

Your own,

Gini

Hagerstown, MD March 22, 1956

Mrs. Charles (redacted)
4919 (redacted) drive
Washington, D.C.

Thurs. Mar. 22, 1956

Dear little Gini Gal,

     Never, no never in my born days, have I ever received or even heard of a letter to equal the one that you sent me- even in the loneliness of my early army training when my marriage was still young I never received anything with so much feeling in it. I love your letter so much and I'm going to keep it for the rest of my life regardless of what happens.

     Needless to say, Gini, I miss you - your little frame  that tucks 

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so neatly against my own. Theres something infinitely tender and sensuous in the way you respond to my caresses- its a rare thing indeed.

     Between you and me, your mother-in-law called me here around one o'clock this morning. I was already in bed and sipping on a lukewarm beer. Apparently she is a little attached to me. (For god's sake don't breathe a word of this to anyone!) You've probably guessed what happened after we left you last Sat. evening. Well, we were both feeling quite high. She has invited me down for a weekend but I didn't give her a definite answer. If I ever do accept, sweet, it'll be because I can be near you or see you. and from here on I want my association with her on a strictly platonic level. Eat, drink, have fun, but no bed.

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     You seem to indicate that you'll be down next Wed. I'll be tickled to see you. But-I won't be able to begin to express myself what with Bob present and lord knows who else. Just bear in mind Gini, when my eyes meet yours, that I'll be thinking of the tender delights that we'll share the first instant that the opportunity presents itself.

     Al, our new drummer, is doing real fine. Last night he really did a fine job that was in many respects better than Frankie. Given a little time I think he'll actually be better for us.

     This afternoon he and I

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went for a cruise through the local countryside. We took Rt.11 as far as Williamsport, which is on the Potomic, and then cut back to Rt. 40 and back to Hagerstown.We also took in  the Washington County Gallery of Art, which seems to be a poor man's Mellon Institute. They can boast of at least one Rembrandt, and two or three quite lesser oils.

     The Gallery is situated in the County Park. There is also in the park a very efficient looking band shell. In warmer weather I imagine they give a few concerts there. But the best thing there was the parking lot overlooking the lake. There was a couple parked there and I immediately had the desire to have you here under the same conditions.

Well. honey, it is now 4:30 and

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since we start at 5:30, I'm afraid I'll have to start getting ready. We play from 5:30 to 6:30, have dinner from 6:30 to 8:00, and then play from 8:00 to 12:00. We have all day Fridays and Monday afternoons off. On Saturday we start at 4:30 in the afternoon instead of the usual 5:30.

     So again, sweetie, I'll say so long for now and please take care of yourself. Get out and do things and think of me. I'll be thinking of you.

Your Lover,

         Norman

                 (also scatterbrained)

*Blog Authors Note:

This letter also included a map. "A Walking Tour of Historic Frederick Maryland" 

as can be seen in the accompanying photograph.

Washington DC, March 20, 1956

Add caption

This first letter was addressed:

Mr. Norman (redacted)

C/o Buddy Rocco 3

Colonial Hotel

Hagerstown, MD

 Monday 6:30 p.m.

My Darling,

     You haven't been gone very long, but - just knowing you are too far away to even talk to, I feel lost.I went shopping on Conn.  Avenue with my best friend today and at 5 p.m-I looked at my watch-something inside must have told me the exact moment-I thought to myself-My darling is just starting to play again & I wished above everything else I could be there.I hope maybe you were thinking of me.

     I've had two Manhattan's on an empty stomach and I may not make much sense. I'm so lonely for you -Norman- I think it's all wrong-Maybe I'm asking for  a lot more heartache than I've already had but I know this-even tho' you have hurt me so much already-I'll carry this feeling and desire with me until I die-I've never had anyone look into my eyes with such warmth and desire as you do. oh-my angel I know there just isn't any love in the world like I love for you-

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     I know I'm heading for a big fall just as I was afraid before. It took me 6 years the last time to even dull the pain-Maybe I'm more at fault than you know-and here I am again wanting you so-and afraid at the same time. I know if I were in your arms and we did All of the things we wanted to-it would be heaven on earth-maybe if we had six months-it would even be the most wonderful thing that ever happened to both of us-but when the newness wore off-what then?

Tues. Morning-9 a.m.

     Good morning, My sweet- I'm still in my nightie.You are my waking thought every day-and every minute from there on-I feel so lonely sometimes I can hardly wait for bedtime when I can sleep. I think of sleep as my passport to oblivion and there for a little while you either- become very real, in my dreams, or all is quiet and still and I know nothing.

      Put your arms around me and hold me so gently-I can still feel you pressed so close to me. You are so sweet and gentle-you said yesterday-you liked to hear me laugh-my darling-only you can make me

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laugh-I love your sense of humor. You are my dream-you are so strong and good, I need you so. Do you mind if I lean just a little-I don't know what it's like to feel protected-oh-I've been protected, sheltered, etc. all my life- the wrong way. I want to be loved & protected.

     Honestly Norman-you must think this letter or the writer is absolutely crazy-at this point 2 am so mixed up & confused. The only thing I know is-I love you, & need you and am so lonely. Donia(that's my best friend) and I are driving  out to Elaine's today for lunch and I wish I could keep right on coming straight into your arms.

     How was the drive up? I hope you didn't have any trouble. How was your first night in Hagerstown? Did you miss me? Are you taking care of yourself-I wish I could take care of your every want and need. Do you think some day I may have the chance?

     My dearest one-it's the presbyterian in me I guess- but I really believe

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what is to be will be- and I am praying to that unknown something for us and our unknown future.

     Norman-Please if you want me to stop tell me-I'll never be able to stop the way I feel, but I won't go on like this to you. I must tell you what I feel-I've never written to anyone like this-I want you to know everything about me. Just as I want to know everything about you. I can't lie my darling-I don't want you to ever lie to me-that is the one thing I hate most-all I know is-feelings don't lie and we need each other the most-

     I'm going to try to be calm, cool, and collected from now on and let things take their course. Maybe my next letter to you will make more sense and not be so disconnected-

     I want to mail this today-hoping I'll have an answer this week- we will be up to see you next week one night-probably-Wed. I don't know for sure. I'm longing to see you-just to look into your sweet eyes- baby blue-I asked you Sat- when we were doing the dishes-if I imagined your eyes were telling me what I

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wanted them to?- You did not answer me. No-darling I don't need a diagram.

Memories are what you made for me Sat. I'll never let them go. Do you think I'm too sentimental? Are you sentimental? I'm a complete idiot on the subject. I treasure little things-just a touch, a glance, one word. Are you like that sweet thing? Please say you are. I think you understand what I mean- I know you understand me-kiss me My Darling-right in the middle of Conn. Ave-kiss me kiss me oh- why can't I change the subject- I want to kiss you from head to toe. Enough is Enough- I must get dressed or I'll be here all day just daydreaming-WOWEE---

     Write to me-I can hardly wait-just to see your name, I adore you, I love you, I need you, I want you, XXXX and thousands more-until your cheek is close to mine and your arms around me - my longing will be tremendous-look out-- am I scaring you or do you want me wild!

Oh Norman-I love you- 

(lipstick print)

Your SCATTERBRAINED, CRAZYHEADED, EVER LOVIN-I'M FOR YOU

Gini

*Blog Author's note

 Yes dear readers, my mother was most definitely sentimental to a degree that may cause illness in the reader. One interesting note, however, right before she signs off and says her last 'I love you' the phrase 'I adore you, I love you, I need you, I want you' made my dear hubby laugh as he was dictating it to me. I had never heard either of my parents use this particular phrase before, but it is the same phrase the two of us use when trying to convey the depth of our feelings for each other. I guess love, is love, and engenders the same verbiage in lovers, no matter the time period.

Background and Beginnings

Two  years ago, I went to my elderly father's home to help him prepare for moving to an assisted living facility. He was 89 at the time, now 91 and still going strong.The house was crammed with so many memories it was difficult to settle on things that really exemplified growing up in that house, with the love and support of both my parents.

Then I remembered the letters...

From March 1956 to some time in 1959, my parents corresponded, professing their love for each other with daily letters. They each were married when their relationship began. My father was a jazz musician traveling the US and Canada with his trio, The Buddy Rocco 3. My mother was a small town girl with big dreams. The letters seem to start at a point where they already knew they were meant for each other. There is no tentative first letter, with pleasantries and hopefulness in every word. I do not know much about the timeline before the letters. I can only assume he had not gone on the road yet when he and my mother met, they had time to cement their illicit affair before he had to go seek out his fortune.

I grew up hearing stories of life on the road. Dad still played every weekend in the Philadelphia region but his stories of life on the road gave me a glimpse into the time in the mid fifties when his creativity was at its height and that creativity was most likely  the flame that drew my mother like a doomed moth to a candle flame.

And so...I took the letters.

I hope you enjoy them...

*NOTE- All letters will be added to the blog in order. The title will be the post mark on the envelope. I will include the information on the envelope as testament to the places my father played during that time. Photos will be included with some when warranted. They will also be posted verbatim. Any words that are unclear from handwriting or age will be entered as (unreadable).